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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that men and women have differnt qualities, therefore ,some certain jobs are suitabel for men and some jobs are suitable for women.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #differnt #qualities #jobs #suitabel
some
people
 argue that stereotypes of
women
 and men are different ,
consequently
, some jobs are offered based on
gender
.I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 disagree with
this
 point of view as
gender
 cannot represent
people
's qualities and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not the main factor to get a job. On the one hand ,
people
's qualities are determined by attitude and the environment in which they live rather than
gender
.
Althouh
Correct your spelling
Although
,
sexual
Replace the word
sex
show examples
 hormones
such
 as testosterone, have some influence on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 behaviour,
people
's
detemination
Correct your spelling
determination
,
courageous
Replace the word
courage
show examples
 and punctuality can
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most important factors of
Correct article usage
the qualites
show examples
qualites
Correct your spelling
quality
qualities
 of
people
 .
For example
, some
women
 work in skyscrapers because they are not afraid of higher altitudes, while some men are afraid.
In addition
 ,some environments challenging; they have to face different tasks on a daily basis, and
as a result
, it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 extraordinary
people
 than those who live in normal
socienty
Correct your spelling
society
.
for instance
, the tribe
women
 who live forest has
partucular
Correct your spelling
particular
charactors
Correct your spelling
characters
such
 as
climbling
Correct your spelling
climbing
 trees ,
fight
Wrong verb form
fighting
show examples
 with animals and foraging as spend
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
 life in
chalangeble
Correct your spelling
challengeable
changeable
 condition.
On the other hand
, skills, experiences, and qualifications are more important to
obtaining
Change the form of the verb
obtain
show examples
 a job than
gender
. Because
gender
 type is not critical to completing a career task, many employers have not considered a candidate's
gender
.
For example
, in the past,
people
 believed that certain jobs,
such
 as working in a saloon , were only for
women
. Today,
however
, men are the most successful in the saloon industry because they work hard and have acquired
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knowledg
Correct your spelling
knowledge
Inconclution
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
, rather than
gender
,
people
's qualities are derived from their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and
also
 professional abilities are the primary candidate selection criteria.
Submitted by bambarandahb on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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