IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that youngsters should get involved in unpaid work, while others oppose as it may affect their career. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include and relevant examples.

#people #youngsters #work #career
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Should
Youngsters
Use synonyms
 be involved in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
, and could it affect their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
? For the longest time in
history
Add a comma
,history
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
 have been used as a cheap source of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. It is believed that a child can
work
Use synonyms
 as much as an adult
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while being paid less.
Till
Change preposition
To
show examples
this
Linking Words
 day it is still common for some poverty-stricken countries to go around the law and involve
children
Use synonyms
 in hard
work
Use synonyms
. For
this
Linking Words
 reason, I am convinced that many
people
Use synonyms
 still think that working from a young
age
Use synonyms
 is acceptable and should be treated as an everyday thing. One justification would be that
people
Use synonyms
 who think that
youngsters
Use synonyms
 should involve themselves in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 don’t see the possibility of the
work
Use synonyms
 ruining the
youngster
Use synonyms
's childhood. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 who decide that their
children
Use synonyms
 should start working from a young
age
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are parents who want their
children
Use synonyms
 to be successful or live in an economically poor country. A popular misconception can be seen that
youngsters
Use synonyms
 who start working from an early
age
Use synonyms
 will be up to speed with the older
children
Use synonyms
 mainly due to the fact that parents want their
children
Use synonyms
 to be as smart as possible. But by doing that to a
youngster
Use synonyms
 parents can create a barrier between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescence. Undeniably it would
also
Linking Words
 block the importance of freedom and creativity, which is a fundamental
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 to have growing up Personally, I tend to believe that
youngsters
Use synonyms
 who do not get paid for their
work
Use synonyms
 will lose a sense of motivation to do something for a reward. It can permanently damage their will to try harder in school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the grade wouldn’t be
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
work
Use synonyms
 for them. A
further
Linking Words
 reason not to involve
youngsters
Use synonyms
 in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 would be that without
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper experience,
youngsters
Use synonyms
 can be involved in accidents which put their health at risk. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 type of
youngster
Use synonyms
 involvement in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 believe that working should be beneficial to the growing child in order to deter them from becoming lazy and unproductive members part of the community.
However
Linking Words
, there is very little evidence to suggest that working from a young
age
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for the future. In conclusion, involving
youngsters
Use synonyms
 in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 is too much of a risk and, in my opinion, ineffective, both for
work
Use synonyms
 and career reasons. Taking that into consideration it would be useful to talk with the
children
Use synonyms
 and get to know what they would want to do for a job, which would gradually improve the workflow and overall productivity. I strongly believe that
involvement
Correct article usage
the involvement
show examples
 of
youngsters
Use synonyms
 in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 should be based on communication between the
people
Use synonyms
 and their
children
Use synonyms
 as it wouldn't harm the career
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
youngster
Use synonyms
 so much.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: