IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that if old people spend time and get with others and exercise everyday ,they will become fit. However, nowadays old people are usually alone and do not talk to others which make them unhappy and unfit. What are the problems and the solutions

#people #time #exercise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In general, it is advised to spend
generous
Add an article
a generous
show examples
 amount of time with loved ones and
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 routinely in order to have a healthy lifestyle
however
Linking Words
, older generations have been seen to find it difficult to incorporate these habits
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to discuss the problems associated with
this
Linking Words
 and provide
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
show examples
 solutions to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Older
Correct article usage
The older
show examples
 generation
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
 it difficult to maintain
constant
Add an article
a constant
show examples
 relationship with
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 ones because they need constant care and attention
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
,
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation is occupied with their own jobs or studies and could not provide constant attention.
Therefore
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 are left in isolation which
further
Linking Words
 deteriorates their condition. In order to comply with
these stressful environment
Change the determiner
this stressful environment
these stressful environments
show examples
 one must join groups and meet
people
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own age in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 society where they can spend quality time.
For instance
Linking Words
, positive results have been seen in the conditions of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who collectively do yoga and group exercises thereby, supporting their mental and physical
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. In later stages of life, some
people
Use synonyms
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 affected by chronic diseases or mental illness,
Correct word choice
and finds
show examples
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
show examples
 it difficult to maintain a healthy lifestyle due to negativity in their life. In older
ages
Add a comma
,ages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 become more susceptible to negative emotions and tend to keep themselves more isolated which can create problematic situations for their mental as well as physical health.
However
Linking Words
, in these
situations
Add a comma
,situations
show examples
 their children play a pivotal role and can act as a support system to fight against negative situations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, elder
people
Use synonyms
 must not hesitate to share their problems with others which will help them to relieve their stress and anxiety.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there should be special events to support
elder
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
generations
Change noun form
generations'
generation's
show examples
 physical health, where they can join and perform mild physical activities like yoga to keep themselves engaged. To conclude, while, elder
people
Use synonyms
 find it difficult to support themselves, it becomes the moral responsibility of
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation to take good care of them like they have been cared
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 their parents.
Submitted by jaspreetramgarhia901 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: