IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#drinks #people #sugar
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Nowadays, the competition in sugary drink markets is obviously increasing, and the prices of the products are
also
Linking Words
 reasonable. Some
people
Use synonyms
 agree that cheaper cost is the decisive factor in the enormous consumption of sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 the prices should be risen to encourage customers to consume
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
. Personally, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, I believe that
health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness, as well as, healthy substitute sweeteners should be emphasised to make
people
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 have less
sugar
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 in their diet or choose wisely when they crave sweet
drinks
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.
Health
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 education should be taught more to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to have a high awareness of their
health
Use synonyms
. They intake an immense amount of carbohydrates in each meal due to lacking comprehensive knowledge and medical concerns. If they learn that high blood glucose can lead to life-threatening problems, disabilities and death
such
Linking Words
 as stroke, heart attack, and leg amputation from Diabetic Mellitus (DM), they may continuously control their carbohydrate eating behaviours, and unhealthy sweetened
drinks
Use synonyms
 may be less consumed eventually while the prices are not justified.
People
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged more to ingest food that uses healthier
sugar
Use synonyms
 substitutes. A prime example of these alternatives is stevia which is a sugary plant and is free of calories and
sugar
Use synonyms
. These sweet leaves are suitable for those who control weight and blood glucose levels. While the costs of sugary drinkable goods stay reasonable, alternative sweetened
drinks
Use synonyms
,
instead
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 of typical ones, could become wise choices for anyone who loves sweetness but prefers to be healthy. In conclusion, the consumption of high carbs diet can lead to major diseases, disabilities and death. I strongly believe that
health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness as well as the availability of healthy substitute sweeteners would be the key priorities to make
people
Use synonyms
 concern more of their
health
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, which could help them decrease or wisely choose their
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake while they still can reasonably afford sugary products.
Submitted by vollesunita on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
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