IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Countries should not replace their traditional culture with modern culture . To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#countries #culture
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Absolutely, Countries should not replace their traditional
culture
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 with modern
culture
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Hence
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, individuals are
foregetting
Correct your spelling
forgetting
 their traditional
values
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 and completely busy with modern
culture
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.
Besides
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, technology
have
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has
show examples
 become common in current
times
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 are so busy with modern
culture
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. In current
times
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 and forgetting to remember traditional
culture
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.
Secondly
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, competition
have
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has
show examples
Add an article
an increase
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 in current time human kind does not remember ancient
values
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.
Consequently
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,
their
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there
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were
Change the verb form
was
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 no technology in ancient
times
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 now our youth is busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 technology that
their
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there
show examples
 can't give respect to each other.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 should teach
our
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their
show examples
children
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 traditional
culture
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 not modern
culture
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, family members are moving to western countries and not remembering our traditional
values
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.
Parents
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 are telling their
children
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 to befriend
with
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apply
show examples
western
children
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 and our
children
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 are busy
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dancing, drinking and smoking etc
Parents
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 should tell our
children
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 to be close
with
Change preposition
to
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 our traditional
culture
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 not
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 modern
culture
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should give proper education to
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 at home before sending them to school. In conclusion, our traditional
culture
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 was started by our forefathers so we should have to respect our old
values
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. Nowadays, many
people
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 are earning
large
Change the article
a large
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of money and not remembering our traditional
values
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. Feeble
people
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 used to say money is
root
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the root
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 of all evil. In recent
times
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 many
people
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 are eating any kind of fast food and not remembering our traditional food. In
adittion
Correct your spelling
addition
, what our forefathers used to eat and exercise we should
also
Linking Words
 follow the routine. Many
people
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 used to say that our traditional
culture
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 was one of the best no matter how much
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 developed.
Submitted by shoeb.ontario on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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