In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In various nations around the globe, a significant number of youth are finding themselves constrained by a lack of
leisure
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time, primarily
due to
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immense pressures to excel academically.
This
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phenomenon can be attributed to several factors, which I will elucidate in
this
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essay, alongside proposing viable solutions to mitigate
this
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pressing issue. One of the foremost causes of
this
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situation is the increasingly competitive nature of educational systems. In search of future prosperity, societies place heavy expectations on
students
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to achieve exemplary results in their studies.
For instance
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, in countries
such
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as South Korea and Japan,
students
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routinely engage in extensive after-school tutoring programs, known as 'hagwons,' leaving little room for extracurricular activities or relaxation.
Moreover
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, the influence of parents and societal expectations can
further
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exacerbate the burden;
students
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often feel they must meet unrealistic standards set by their families and peers, thereby diminishing their
leisure
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time and
overall
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well-being. To alleviate
this
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issue, a multi-faceted approach is essential.
Firstly
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, educational institutions should prioritize a balanced curriculum that emphasizes not only academic success but
also
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personal development and mental health. Implementing policies that regulate homework and extracurricular commitments can create a more balanced environment for
students
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.
Furthermore
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, promoting awareness campaigns aimed at both parents and
students
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to highlight the importance of
leisure
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and mental health can foster a cultural shift towards valuing well-rounded growth over mere academic achievement.
For instance
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, countries like Finland have successfully adopted educational reforms that allow for longer recess periods and reduced homework, resulting in happier and more productive
students
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. In conclusion, the pressures that young people face in their academic lives stem from a combination of competitive educational environments and societal expectations.
However
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, by instituting reforms within educational systems and promoting a culture that values
leisure
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, the adverse effects of academic pressure can be significantly mitigated. Striving for a balance between education and personal well-being is crucial for fostering a healthier future generation.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, discussing both causes and solutions. Ensure that each point is elaborated on slightly more for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured and flows well. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to further enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
You presented relevant examples that support your arguments well, such as the reference to South Korea and Finland.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction outlines the essay effectively, and the conclusion summarizes the points clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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