IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money
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Earning more
money
Use synonyms
 is
one
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 of the best
motivotators
Correct your spelling
motivators
motivator
 to
work
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 harder in
this
Linking Words
 hectic life. While I agree that it helps
people
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 meet
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 basic needs. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that there are other crucial factors to
work
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 hard. On the
one
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 hand, the main
reason
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 for working hard is to be equal with others . In
this
Linking Words
 competitive world,
people
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 do not want to lag
from
Change preposition
behind
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 their peers in terms of consumer goods since the majority of
people
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 judge by seeing
one
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's wealth. So
people
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work
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 harder to buy
Add an article
a home
the home
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home
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homes
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 and luxurious cars for being looked wealthy and
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 equal in society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, meeting
one
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's social needs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very crucial. It is undeniable that buying brand clothes and a range of products
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 a sufficient amount of
money
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. If
people
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 do not
work
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 hard, they can not afford their daily necessities. As the prices
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 going up day by day. Despite the reasons mentioned above, I
also
Linking Words
 believe there are other important factors for several reasons.
One
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 major
reason
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 for working hard is that
people
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 want to keep their
job
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 position. In
this
Linking Words
 competitive era, a lot of young
people
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 who are
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
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 and versatile are searching for new
job
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 positions, which in turn, leads to high competitiveness for jobs. For
this
Linking Words
reason
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,
people
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 do try to
work
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 hard in order not to get fired because of their huge number of counterparts who are waiting for available
job
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 positions. Another
reason
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 why
people
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work
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 hard other than earning more
money
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 is that they want to contribute to
prosperity
Add an article
the prosperity
show examples
 of their countries. When these hardworking employers do their best, it may help the whole society flourish. Take doctors as an example, if
patient
Add an article
the patient
a patient
show examples
 is struggling with his or her life,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
doctors may save these
patient's
Fix the agreement mistake
patients'
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 lives so these
survived
Wrong verb form
surviving
show examples
 ones may bring so much benefit to society by continuing their jobs. In conclusion, while working hard for more
money
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 may lead to a good lifestyle, I believe that it is
also
Linking Words
 due to preventing from getting fired because of high
job
Use synonyms
 competitiveness.
Submitted by behnam.n00001 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
What to do next:
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