IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #animals #zoos
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to some
people
, wild
animals
 should not be kept in
zoos
, as we distract them to live peacefully and they are always in public.
However
, others think that it would be better if
animals
 are kept in
zoos
 because they can help to save them from poachers. The
first
 idea will be supported, we should not keep
animals
 in
zoos
, as they lose their purpose in
life
. Admittedly,
animals
 should keep in
zoos
, especially which are in a red book. In most cases, poachers hunt
animals
 for fun or money. In the zoo, they are more protected from poachers and they do not need to survive in the terrible condition of the weather.
For example
, herbivores can be saved from predators.
In other words
, the zoo is safer than their habitats. Yet, wild
animals
 do not get used to living in loud places. The predators try not to make a noise which can afraid their victims as well as herbivores afraid of any noise because predators can sneak up. The most of visitors to
zoos
 are children. They do a lot of noise which obstructs the
animals
, so
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
, it is difficult to live in
zoos
 while some distract. I believe wild
animals
 must live in their natural habitats
such
 as forests and mountains.
People
 do
animals
'
life
 boring by keeping them in
zoos
.
Animals
such
 as
people
, do not like when someone locks them in an iron cage, depriving them of freedom and the meaning of their
life
.
People
 feed them every day, but wild
animals
'
life
 meaning consists of getting food and offspring, so
people
 deprive one of the most interesting parts of their activities.
In other words
, by keeping
animals
 in
zoos
, wild
animals
 forget how to hunt. In conclusion, despite the safe
life
 in the
zoos
, I support the decision in terms of wild
animals
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
 to live in their natural habitat, because they lose their natural ability.
Submitted by shuh035 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
What to do next:
Look at other essays: