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Writing Samples
Band 7

People should look after their health for personal benefits, rather than a duty for a society. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society
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There is a debate heating up
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 it is necessary for everyone to take care of their
health
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 for their own
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 or for the responsibility of
a
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apply
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society. While each has its own merits, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, managing their
health
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 plays a vital role in
people
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's lives since it benefits them individually. To be particular, everyone could build up a detailed plan to maintain good physical
health
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, allowing
people
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 to prevent themselves from being ill.
For example
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, according to WHO's report, doing physical activities
such
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 as cycling, walking, playing sports, or active recreation reduces the risk of various alarming diseases, namely heart stroke and cancer.
Therefore
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, physical activities could save
people
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 from serious diseases by looking after
health
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 for individual advantages. While the redeeming features of protecting the
health
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 system for one's self are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if taking care of
health
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 for the responsibility of
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 is ignored. In terms of the reason, an ill person may be a threat to an enormous population and severely negatively affect a nation's development.
For instance
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, the outbreak of COVID-19 in 2019 in Vietnam started with a few individuals before it rapidly spread all over the country, which was a burden to society and the economy.
Hence
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, thinking for the whole community is
people
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's crucial responsibility. To sum up, taking care of
health
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 plays an essential role
for
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in
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 one’s well-being.
However
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, it
also
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 impacts the nation's tremendous benefit.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
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