IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it is better for children to being to learn a foreign language at primary school than at secondary school. What’s your opinion? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some
people
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 think it is better for
children
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 to
being
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begin
show examples
 to learn a foreign
language
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 at primary
school
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 than at secondary
school
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. What’s your opinion? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? One of the burning issues of today’s world is about a second
language
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 which is critically important to know, A number of
people
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 believe that if
students
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 are learning
this
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 field of study at primary
school
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 before secondary
school
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, it can have many positive aspects. I strongly support the idea that
children
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 should be learning foreign tongues at primary
school
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 than at secondary
school
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 so
this
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 can help
children
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 to expand their social interactions and improve their
knowledge
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.
This
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 essay will show some advantages of learning a foreign
language
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 at primary schools.
Firstly
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, the most significant of learning a foreign
language
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 can help
students
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 to improve their connection with a foreign person so
students
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 can interact their
knowledge
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 with these
people
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;
in addition
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,
this
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 can help
children
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 find more friends in the world and get in touch with these
people
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 to help each other when they are struggling with researching and doing their homework with each other;
as a result
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, learning a different
language
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 can encourage student to increase their social interactions and expand their communication.
Secondly
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, knowing a foreign
language
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 allows
children
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 to improve their
knowledge
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 with some courses which teach the field of studies by foreign speech, so if they study a different
language
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 at primary
school
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, they cannot have problems with many courses which are
learning
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taught
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 by foreign
language
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; In fact, ASIA
students
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 have original
languages
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 and governments in these kinds of countries make the plane to provide top-notch facilities for studying foreign
languages
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 at primary
school
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 and if
students
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 can understanding other
languages
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 they can use some particular websites which support
students
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 to enhance their educations like YOUTUBE, UDEMY, and COURSESARA;
consequently
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, if they want to use these fruitful websites they have to know second
languages
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. In conclusion, learning a foreign tongue at primary schools has paramount importance because it can help
students
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 communicate with the world and enhance their
knowledge
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 through foreign courses.

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coherence cohesion
Although the general position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach, with clearer paragraph divisions and topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is fully developed and not repeated across multiple paragraphs.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, it could better fulfill the task by providing a more balanced view that discusses both advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, expanding on the given ideas, with more detailed support and a clearer progression would improve task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Inhibitions
  • Cultural awareness
  • Plasticity
  • Curriculum flexibility
  • Native language
  • Mastery
  • Qualified teachers
  • Structured learning
  • Grammar constructs
  • Practical benefits
What to do next:
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