Some people think that watching TV causes weight problems in children. Do you agree with this view? What solution you can suggest to tackle children’s weight problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an overall view think that
stare
Wrong verb form
staring
show examples
many hours at the tv could be a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
of obesity and other weight issues in kids. In
this
Linking Words
essay I will clear my point of view, writing if I agree or disagree with
this
Linking Words
affirmation and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
I will look for some
solution
Use synonyms
to the
problem
Use synonyms
of
weight’s
Change noun form
weight
show examples
control. We are living in a highly industrialized society, where
technology
Use synonyms
is an extended part of our daily life.
Children
Use synonyms
start very early to know how to use
technologic
Replace the word
technological
show examples
dispositive.
For example
Linking Words
, it is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
anymore rare,
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
kids of 4-5 years
stare
Change the form of the verb
staring
show examples
at the front of their parent’s telephone, watching YouTube. In my point of view, I can say that I’m firmly convinced that
technology
Use synonyms
and Tv could represent a
problem
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
weight. In fact, more often parents leave
children
Use synonyms
playing with their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, to have some moment for themselves, forgetting to teach them how to play and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
fun without television or computer or telephone, just because
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
them
play
Add the particle
to play
show examples
with
technology
Use synonyms
it is a faster method to make them distracted and calm. As a consequence, child pass a lot of hours in front of
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
, without moving but just watching them and
possibily
Correct your spelling
possibly
eating food without regulation, which is a primary cause of
this
Linking Words
weight’s
Change noun form
weight
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
. I will now
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
some
solution
Use synonyms
to
this
Linking Words
issue.
To begin
Linking Words
with, I think that a possible
solution
Use synonyms
could be having some
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
to teach
children
Use synonyms
how
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
fun without stay glue to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
,
hence
Linking Words
bringing them to the park,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
them socialize with the other kids. It is important
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
parents,
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
time for their own
children
Use synonyms
’s education. Another possible
solution
Use synonyms
, taking
children
Use synonyms
away from television, is subscribing them to some gym activity,
such
Linking Words
as swimming.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe that the
problem
Use synonyms
should be addressed even
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
the government,
witch
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
should prompt more activities on the territory and
putting
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
some
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
on eating
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast food under a certain age. To conclude, I think that with these solutions that I brought up, the
problem
Use synonyms
of weight could be limited.
Submitted by frinfri93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: