IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some parents bring thier children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#parents #thier #children #toys
These days parents spend a
lot
 of money to buy everything for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
 including
toys
. As well as it has more impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
's lifestyles.
This
 essay will sufficiently discuss the
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
show examples
 and cons of pampering
one
's child with plenty
toys
Change preposition
of toys
show examples
. On the
one
 hand, playing with
toys
 is the best way to improve the skills of
children
 during adolescence. In
this
 technology area, the
toys
 become so smart that they can help the
children
 to develop strong analytical and logical skills.
For example
,
toys
 like block building,
puzzle
Correct word choice
and puzzle
show examples
 solving
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
help
strengthening
Wrong verb form
strengthen
show examples
the mental thinking of the
children
.
In addition
 to
this
, nowadays there are more families which have only
one
 child, a baby can make relationships with the
toys
 like his siblings and friends to feel less lonely. If there are associated with dolls, they will have an outgoing personality character.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand,
one
 of the drawbacks is that if they spend a
lot
 of time with dolls, they will become inactive and gain weight.
Moreover
, parents spend more time on
toys
 to entertain
thier
Correct your spelling
their
offspring
Change noun form
offspring's
show examples
 family budget.
Furthermore
,
this
 would reduce the ability the interact with other people.
Consequently
, the child would enjoy staying alone or playing with themselves. Statistics
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 demonstrate that
children
 who play alone are more likely to not adjust
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, a
lot
 of parents are buying
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 offspring a massive amount of dolls.
However
, it can make an upward trend in
cheerfulness
Add an article
the cheerfulness
show examples
 of our son and daughter.
Although
, it is not required to spend a
lot
 of give them great infancy.
In other words
, it can be provided in different ways.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: