IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it is better for children to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vacations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #holidays #year #vacations
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In a society where life runs every day faster, a vacation should be an important part of our existence, as ,without recess, it would be impossible to live,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 would be too stressful to manage in everyday routine. Thinking about the matter of
holidays
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 we have two points of view, which are who think
that is
Linking Words
 better to have just
one
Use synonyms
 but
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
holiday
Use synonyms
, and who believe
that is
Linking Words
 better to have more
holidays
Use synonyms
, but
onesshorter
Correct your spelling
one shorter
ones shorter
. I will examine both sides of the argument and, in the end, I will give my personal opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 who think is better
an
Change the article
a
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 long
holiday
Use synonyms
, to sustain that, they assume it has a major benefit
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they can totally stop
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their homework and assignments,
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
spare-time
Correct your spelling
spare time
show examples
 to pass with their parents,
friends
Correct word choice
and friends
show examples
,
developing
Correct word choice
and developing
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 new hobbies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 think that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better more
holidays
Use synonyms
, but fewer,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
assumed
this
Linking Words
 thought, because they believe that just
one
Use synonyms
, even if longer,
Use synonyms
holiday
Add an article
the holiday
a holiday
show examples
 is not enough for
children
Use synonyms
 to
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
 relax and
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their daily busy routine.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
, they argue that more
holidays
Use synonyms
 enable kids to have
constantly
Change the adverb
constant
show examples
 time to develop their leisure activities, friendship and relationship with their parents. I agree with
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
sustain
Correct subject-verb agreement
sustains
show examples
 that are better more
holiday
Use synonyms
, even if they could be shorter, because, as previously written, they permit to have
regularly
Change the adverb
regular
show examples
 space for what
children
Use synonyms
 love more.
Besides
Linking Words
 having short
holidays
Use synonyms
, when kids come back
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 daily
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
, I think they could have more willing to engage in their tasks. To conclude,
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should give
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students regular
Use synonyms
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
show examples
 and not just
one
Use synonyms
longer
Correct pronoun usage
onelonger
show examples
.
Submitted by frinfri93 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic year
  • short holidays
  • long vacations
  • recharge and relax
  • preventing burnout
  • consistent academic engagement
  • consolidate learning
  • working parents
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extended rest and recovery
  • stress accumulation
  • travel or plan major activities
  • explore hobbies
  • internships
  • volunteer work
  • focused academic calendar
  • intense period of learning
  • curriculum completion
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