IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better for children to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vacations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #holidays #year #vacations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In a society where life runs everyday faster, a vacation should be an important part of our existence, as, without recess, it would be impossible to live, and it would be too stressful to manage in everyday routine. Thinking about the matter of the
holidays
Use synonyms
 for children we have two points of view, which are who thinks
that is
Linking Words
 better to have just
one
Use synonyms
 long holiday and who believes that it is better to have shorter
holidays
Use synonyms
 I will examine both sides of the argument and, in the end, I will give my personal opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 ,with
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 think is better a
one
Use synonyms
 long holiday, to sustain that, they assume it has a major benefit for children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they can totally stop their
homerwork
Correct your spelling
homework
, and assignments, have spare time to spend with their parents, and friends, and develop new hobbies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who think that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
better many
holidays
Use synonyms
, but fewer, assumed
this
Linking Words
 thought because they believe that just
one
Use synonyms
 holiday, even if longer, is not enough for children to make them have relaxed and break from their daily busy routine. In fact, they argue that more
holidays
Use synonyms
 enable kids to have constant time to develop their leisure activities, friendship and relationship with their parents. I agree with those who sustain that are better many
holidays
Use synonyms
, even if they could be shorter because, as previously written, they permit to gave regular short breaks, when kids come back to their daily routine. I think they could have been more willing to engage in their tasks. To conclude, schools should give students regular
layoff
Fix the agreement mistake
layoffs
show examples
 and not just
one
Use synonyms
 longer.
Submitted by frinfri93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic year
  • short holidays
  • long vacations
  • recharge and relax
  • preventing burnout
  • consistent academic engagement
  • consolidate learning
  • working parents
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extended rest and recovery
  • stress accumulation
  • travel or plan major activities
  • explore hobbies
  • internships
  • volunteer work
  • focused academic calendar
  • intense period of learning
  • curriculum completion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: