IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the government should control the amount of violence in films and on TV in order to control violent crimes in society. How far do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #government #control #amount #violence #films #tv #crimes #society
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These days the majority of
people
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 suggest that the
government
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 must supervise the vast amount of
violence
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 in movies and on TV legislation to
control
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 violator offences in
society
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. In
this
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 paper. I will argue that it is the responsibility of the
government
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 to
control
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 more
violence
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 in
films
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 and movies . The reasons are twofold .
First
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 of all, supervising
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
violence
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 in
films
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 and on TV
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this things
Change the determiner
this thing
these things
show examples
 is so useful for young
people
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's behaviour and their future
life
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. Because they always watch
this
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 kind of film. After
this
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 phenomenon, they want to use violent actions . Actually, they will do crimes.
For instance
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, one teenager always watches
about
Change preposition
apply
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violence
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. After
tha
Correct your spelling
that
the
,t he or she learns
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 method .
Then
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 he or she uses it in real
life
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 and
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
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 his or her future . Because
this
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 thing negatively
effect
Change the verb form
effects
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 her or his
life
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 .
This
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 is the reason
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government
Add an article
the government
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 must
control
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 it .
Secondly
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 , it is important to remember that
films
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 about
violence
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 can affect
society
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's
life
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 . Because violent
films
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 change
people
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's behaviour and make
people
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 like egoists. They never think
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society's
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about society's
show examples
life
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 and always do everything for themselves.
For example
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, if each person always does everything for themselves. So
society
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 never grows and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
. Because in
society
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people
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 always think
Change preposition
of themselves
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themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they never can think of
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society
Replace the word
social
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life
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. And nobody does anything for
society
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. So violent
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films
Add a verb
arefilms
werefilms
show examples
 effective in
society
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 and
people
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's
life
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 . By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the
government
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 violator crimes in
society
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 and
also
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 must
control
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 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of violent
films
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.
Submitted by asqar4997 on

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