IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#say #sports #role #society #leisure #activity
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The line graph gives data on the
number
 of
people
 living in a specific country, categorized
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three main
age
 groups from 1960, with
prediction
Add an article
the prediction
a prediction
show examples
 of the population until 2040. The initial expression is that the percentage of citizens aged 65 or above is increasing,
Correct word choice
and whole
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whole
Correct your spelling
while
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 the
number
 of residents who are between 64 to 14 or younger than 14
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 following the same pattern. The figure clearly shows that at the beginning of the
period
Add a comma
,period
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 just above 10% of the population were at the
age
 of 65 or above and the
number
 of
people
 who were older than 65 years moderately raised to 20% in 1990 and
then
 witnessed a rapid growth of 10% until 2010 and it is forecasted that the
number
 of residents who are 65+ will face a rise from 30% in 2010 to roughly 50% in 2040.
On the other hand
, 30% of citizens were between the
age
 of 15 to 64 in 1960 and the numbers faced a downward trend at around 20% until 1990.
In addition
, the
number
 of
people
 at the
age
 of 15-64 had a drop from 20%
in1990
Correct your spelling
in 1990
 to approximately 10%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2020 and it is foreseen that the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 will reach exactly 10% at the end of the period.
Additionally
, the percentage of
people
 who were younger than 14 years old witnessed fluctuations at around almost 60% between 1996 and 1990 and had a decrease of about 10% until 2010 and predictions show that the
number
 of
people
 aged less than 14 years old will swiftly reduce until they reach well below 50% at 2040.
Submitted by mahla.mirzaei on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social fabric
  • fostering
  • community spirit
  • health and wellness
  • national pride
  • leisure activity
  • entertainment
  • unwind
  • economic impact
  • generating jobs
  • boosting tourism
  • stimulating local economies
  • negative aspects
  • risk of injuries
  • pressure on young athletes
  • doping
  • corruption
  • essential societal component
  • responsible management
  • promoting
  • significant
  • merely
  • contributing
  • progress
  • acknowledging
  • value
  • emphasizing
  • balance
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