IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #development #values
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several leaders of countries in the 21st century try to advance their economies for better lifestyles.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that there are some worrying outcomes related to the loss of essential values
such
Linking Words
 as humanity and the environment. Concerning
this
Linking Words
 issue, I believe that there are more benefits from the financial development of a
country
Use synonyms
 rather than other drawbacks. Admittedly, some disadvantageous consequences may occur, followed by the only focus on economic growth. Particularly, people forget their traditional values.
For instance
Linking Words
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to those in South Korea in the 80s, individuals in the same
country
Use synonyms
 these days lack their affairs and love toward their neighbours, which is defined as “Jeong” in Korea. Even though the small
country
Use synonyms
 achieved great advancement during
this
Linking Words
 period, the elderly are concerned that the young no longer show
this
Linking Words
 affection for their neighbours. I have met many old people who often feel worried that the
country
Use synonyms
 has become so egoistic.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can find more benefits stemming from economic development. First of all, people in financially stable countries are able to take care of themselves by having nutritious food and receiving regular medical care. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible for most individuals to have
fundamental
Correct article usage
a fundamental
show examples
 education and to dream of their own future. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, compared to the developed
country
Use synonyms
, all walks of life in the developing
country
Use synonyms
 are only in pursuit of their precious meal, not their dreams as they have not developed stable economic or social systems.
While
Linking Words
 building up for one’s own future, one can enjoy happiness and contentment,
thus
Linking Words
 we can tell that it is important to achieve financial advancement. In sum, it is reasonable for the countries to pursue their better economic status since the consequences of it are advantageous enough.
However
Linking Words
, it is required that they be more careful not to lose their essential values and necessities.
Submitted by rlacofla99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
In the introduction, clearly present your opinion on whether the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages, and use topic sentences in each body paragraph to support your opinion with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically structured and connected to the previous and following paragraphs, using linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
What to do next:
Look at other essays: