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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #development #values
Several leaders of countries in the 21st century try to advance their economies for better lifestyles.
However
, others argue that there are some worrying outcomes related to the loss of essential values
such
 as humanity and the environment. Concerning
this
 issue, I believe that there are more benefits from the financial development of a
country
 rather than other drawbacks. Admittedly, some disadvantageous consequences may occur, followed by the only focus on economic growth. Particularly, people forget their traditional values.
For instance
,
in contrast
 to those in South Korea in the 80s, individuals in the same
country
 these days lack their affairs and love toward their neighbours, which is defined as “Jeong” in Korea. Even though the small
country
 achieved great advancement during
this
 period, the elderly are concerned that the young no longer show
this
 affection for their neighbours. I have met many old people who often feel worried that the
country
 has become so egoistic.
On the other hand
, we can find more benefits stemming from economic development. First of all, people in financially stable countries are able to take care of themselves by having nutritious food and receiving regular medical care. It is
also
 possible for most individuals to have
fundamental
Correct article usage
a fundamental
show examples
 education and to dream of their own future. To illustrate
this
, compared to the developed
country
, all walks of life in the developing
country
 are only in pursuit of their precious meal, not their dreams as they have not developed stable economic or social systems.
While
 building up for one’s own future, one can enjoy happiness and contentment,
thus
 we can tell that it is important to achieve financial advancement. In sum, it is reasonable for the countries to pursue their better economic status since the consequences of it are advantageous enough.
However
, it is required that they be more careful not to lose their essential values and necessities.
Submitted by rlacofla99 on

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task response
In the introduction, clearly present your opinion on whether the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages, and use topic sentences in each body paragraph to support your opinion with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically structured and connected to the previous and following paragraphs, using linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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