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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, some people live with their families while studying,but other students prefer to attend universities in other cities.Do the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantage?

#countries #people #families #students #universities #cities #home
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The phenomenon of people tending to
study
 and live in other cities during university education has aroused wide concern among wide circles. Divergent as people's views on
this
 issue in question may be, it seems to me that
move
Replace the word
moving
show examples
 to a new environment for
study
 and completely living alone would bring us more advantages than disadvantages. Regarding the disadvantages of attending universities that are far away from
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 hometown, the most significant reason is the extremally high cost. To
study
 in other cities, some basic spending must to counted
such
 as housing and insurance. It is a heavy burden for many normal families.
Moreover
, they can focus on learning only if they
study
 at a local school because they have their parents to take care of anything outside of studying.
Therefore
, many parents prefer their children to stay beside them to
study
. Despite the aforementioned drawbacks, I still believe that
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 benefits would outweigh the disadvantages. Of all the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why people should go to other cities
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
study
, the
first
 one pop-up in my mind is that it is a valuable chance to allow children to learn to live independently. To illustrate, they have to learn how to maintain their body status which enforces them to gain new skills in life
such
 as cooking and laundry.
In addition
,
this
 will in turn widen their horizons by experiencing a new culture in a new place.
As a result
, they can develop their own version of the world but not only the views taught by their parents. Under
this
 line of thinking, studying far away from family would bring make children independent and diversify their knowledge, and it is much more essential than extra expenditure.
Submitted by frankyimp on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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