Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays it is true that various companies put advertisements
to
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in
show examples
every corner of our world in the case of promoting their products. Some
people
think that it has a negative effect on
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
show examples
minds.
However
, others believe that the pros outweigh the cons. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
the right advertisement is the best way to promote a product.
This
essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
and provide a logical conclusion. On the positive side,
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
increases companies' income and helps to raise the economy.
In other words
, competent advertising attracts new customers.
Hence
,
people
under the influence of advertising buy a product and involve new customers. To illustrate famous brand “Apple” spend a billion dollars in the case of promoting
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
products. Their
last
product iPhone 14 was promoted
in
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on
show examples
different platforms
such
as YouTube, Instagram and
on
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apply
show examples
billboards.
As a result
, the company’s sales and revenue increased. Another advantage is that it makes
people
's lives comfortable. Obviously, in the
21st
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21st-century
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century
Add a comma
,century
show examples
people
get
information
from phones.
Commercial
Add an article
The commercial
show examples
is one of the sources of useful
information
.
For instance
, while surfing the web individuals can see
information
about business courses, sign up for them and gain new knowledge. But advertisement
also
has some major disadvantages like advocacy of harmful substances like cigarettes and alcohol.
First
of all, teenagers who have sensitive
psyche
Fix the agreement mistake
psyches
show examples
can succumb to propaganda.
Moreover
, it can cause problems with health.
For example
, commercials on the packaging of cigarettes
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
warn about health problems
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can cause. But it cannot stop
the
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apply
show examples
smokers. Another drawback is that not all sources of
information
taken from advertisements can be true.
Also
, there are a lot of
fraud
Fix the agreement mistake
frauds
show examples
and swindlers who want to deceive
people
and take their money. Namely, financial pyramids and bets. Individuals believe that they can easily earn money, but in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
they become victims of fraud, and bad advertising. In conclusion,
although
commercial can have certain negative effects like fake
information
or advocacy, it has an extremely positive effect on
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
and income. I believe that these benefits outweigh
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
drawbacks.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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