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Band 4.5

Obesity is an increasing public health related problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest somr solutions.

#obesity #health #parts #world #somr
Science observes that changes in lifestyle affect human bodies either in positive ways or in negatives. For the past two to three decades, it has been seen that most of the population facing a saviour obstacle, fatness throughout the population. In
this
 essay, I will explore what bad habits are the causes of
this
 development and how we can overcome
this
 problem.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that revolutions in
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 made changes in the public lifestyle. Like, thirty years ago, some works were performed by human hands and now they are done by robots and machines. Which causes less body effort and low
calories
Change the noun form
calorie
show examples
 consumption. But,
tit
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 is not mean that technologies are impacting
bad
Change the adjective
badly
show examples
 on human beings
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Because
this
 factor can be overcome
doing
Change preposition
by doing
show examples
exericses
Correct your spelling
exercises
 and
youga
Correct your spelling
yoga
young
younger
.
Similarly
, with
globalization
Add an article
the globalization
show examples
 of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
, communities adopt food
calture
Correct your spelling
culture
 of each other
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
major
Add an article
a major
the major
show examples
 factor of change in public health. In most of the world parts, it is very common to consume junk foods on daily basis not only for hunger
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but for enjoyment and
entertain
Fix the infinitive
to entertain
show examples
 their taste buds. 95% of doctors
across
Correct your spelling
cross
show examples
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world suggest not to consume junk foods, because it is an impactable
reson
Correct your spelling
reason
 behind fatness and other
decises
Correct your spelling
decides
 that leads by obesity.
Further more
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Furthermore
show examples
,
science
Replace the word
scientists
show examples
 observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 are not consuming junk foods as much but still they gaining weight day by day. When they got the
statictics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 it has been seen that they are those people who spend most of their time in their offices and they are performing white
coller
Correct your spelling
collar
 jobs.
Reserch
Correct your spelling
Research
 told that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are not doing much physical
activite
Correct your spelling
activity
 and spend more than half of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 chairs in
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
. It
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 them haveyness and stress issues. To overcome
these problem
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
, doctors
advaise
Correct your spelling
advise
 to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
firms and
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 resource department to offer them free gyms and
youga
Correct your spelling
yoga
you
 sessions frequently. To sum up, as there are
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 changes
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
 in the community, but
percustion
Correct your spelling
percussion
 were not
not
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
adopted by them with the developments. Some of them cause saviour
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
bodies
Fix the agreement mistake
body
show examples
such
 as obesity, stress,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
decises
Correct your spelling
decides
, but to reduce these
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 we need to adopt
Correct article usage
a healty
show examples
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 routine that
inculdes
Correct your spelling
includes
 exercises, yogas and healthy
diets
Fix the agreement mistake
diet
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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