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Band 4.5

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this affect local communities? How could this situation be improved?

#shops #supermarkets #area #affect #communities #situation
There is no doubt in saying that large shopping centres have somehow overtaken the business of small, local shops in their respective local
markets
. Not only local communities are being negatively affected due inefficiency of the local market to stay in competition with major shopping centres but it is
disadvantageous
Rephrase
also disadvantageous
show examples
 for the income generation of vendors involved in
this
 business.
According to
 my perception, for the benefit of local shops and ,communities it is essential to
improvise
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 the quality of goods, and other items which are being sold by the local vendors to engage customer retention. It is quite obvious that the shutdown of the local and small department stores has created quite a hassle for localities, as just to buy daily necessities like dairy products, fruits and vegetables or bakery items one has to go to a supermarket which is usually not in the nearby vicinity of the locality.
Also
,
such
 items are usually perishable in nature
due to
 expiry dates so can not be stored as well. At the same ,time local outlets are most often owned by people living in a particular area and emerging large flea
markets
 are highly affecting the livelihood of
such
 shop owners.
For example
, supermarket chains like Reliance
fresh
Capitalize word
Fresh
show examples
 or Big
bazaar
Capitalize word
Bazaar
show examples
 are taking away the customer base of neighbourhood stores and certainly creating a huge loss for their business.
Thus
, society and local businesses both are affected negatively. I believe,
sustaining
Correct word choice
that sustaining
show examples
 the local
markets
 needs to be supported by the government authorities by initiating the policy of subsidizing the basic daily use commodities. Of course, imposing
such
 measures will assuredly discourage bigger mart from having a monopoly by using their own price tags and discounts.
This
 is going to provide a lucrative opportunity for local vendors to be in the trade and expand the customer base simultaneously.
Thus
, chances of elimination of small shops by large
markets
 will be a less likely situation to face.
To conclude
,
although
 the growing popularity of shopping centre cannot be denied
due to
 the distinctive features that it provides ,
however
, the local outlet is still essential for society.
Submitted by jaspreetramgarhia901 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides some relevant ideas but lacks development and depth in the response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the ideas are not consistently organized throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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