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Band 5.5

some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsible of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention
A number of people believe that state authorities ought to be
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for
precaution
Correct article usage
the precaution
show examples
 of crimes, whereas others claim that
citizens
 protect themselves. It seems to me that governments have to ensure
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 communities, due to the fact that
this
 has been a public duty throughout the historical process.
To begin
 with, providing safety
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the community has been one of the main problems of
process
Add an article
the process
a process
show examples
 which has been seen
turning
Change preposition
in turning
show examples
 into a country from
Correct article usage
a primative
show examples
primative
Correct your spelling
primitive
 society. In fact,
this
 task has executed by the administrative layer all the human history, because of claiming only authority which can be able to carry weapons is government.
For example
, an ordinary man who has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 a
causual
Correct your spelling
casual
 job can not defend himself against the offenders who
attact
Correct your spelling
attack
attract
attached
 to him by gun as well as knive and
therefore
this
 person needs to protect by the police.
In other words
,
citizens
 pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to governments to receive guarding
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
.
Hence
, no one can deny that states have to supply safety to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
citizens
 as
corresponding
Correct article usage
a corresponding
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their payments.
On the other hand
, it might be considered that some precautions may be needed to defend himself from convicts.
However
, these should stay
Change preposition
at quite
show examples
quite
Change the article
quite a
a quite
show examples
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
 level compared with
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
agaist
Correct your spelling
against
 criminals who
attact
Correct your spelling
attack
attract
 by guns. To illustrate, as a citizen you can fulfil just a few precautions
such
 as keeping close the windows when
go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 to out.
Therefore
, it is
imposssible
Correct your spelling
impossible
 to expect
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people to defend themselves against the offenders. To sum up,
although
 some people allege that
citizens
 should protect themselves, I
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 disagree with
this
 opinion, due to the fact that the main responsibility of the government is
keep
Change the verb form
to keep
keeping
show examples
 safe its community.
Submitted by myurt4848 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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