IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that money spent on space exploration is not justifiable. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #space #exploration
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Nowadays, various
people
 claim that the
money
 spent on
space
 exploration is unjustifiable.
Also
, they believe that these funds should be spent on more beneficial areas.
Space
 exploration has not yielded benefits commensurate with the billions of dollars spent on it. I strongly agree that there are more usable things to spend these funds on.
To begin
 with, these
space
 explanations do not contribute to
people
’s daily lives. That means it doesn’t make them earn more
money
 or change their living standards.
Besides
, these
space
 explanations are only beneficial for NASA and other individuals who are earning
money
 as astronauts.
For instance
, the National Aeronautics and
Space
 Administration has received over $700 billion in funding from the US government since its existence. It has not innovated any new product or service beneficial to US citizens at
this
 time. Looking at it from the perspective of US citizens, it was just a waste of
money
due to
 the large majority of
people
 who were begging to buy bread in the streets.
Moreover
, it will be more beneficial to citizens and the human race as a whole if these huge amounts of financial resources are committed to projects that have a direct impact on our daily lives.
According to
 research that I read, as long as these huge amounts of
money
 are used for sick
people
 or beginners, there won’t be any damaging or challenging issues on earth. In conclusion, if the
money
that is
 spent on
space
 exploration is fairly distributed to
people
 in need , I am certain that significant problems will be solved immediately.
Submitted by haticecoza on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Expand the range of linking words and phrases used in your essay to improve the flow of ideas. This will enhance your score in coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
When stating your opinion, back it up with more concrete examples and data. This will strengthen your arguments and improve your task achievement score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure there's a clear introduction and conclusion that clearly state your stance on the argument. This improves the logical structure of your essay and your coherence and cohesion score.
Task Achievement
Try to address the opposite viewpoint briefly to enrich the depth of your argument, enhancing the completeness of your response and hence your task achievement score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity, directly impacting your scores.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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