IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Science
Use synonyms
 has played an integral role in shaping the modern world and solving serious problems faced by human beings. There is a notable brief that the most pivotal purpose of
science
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 is to enhance individuals'
lives
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 view, as scientific discoveries have significantly improved the
quality
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 of life and spurred technological progressions that address global issues. One of the key measures of
science
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 is to advance the
quality
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 of citizens'
lives
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.
This
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 means that scientific endeavours can make daily living easier and more comfortable, especially in fields like healthcare, technology, and communication. One primary example is the invention of antibiotics, which has undoubtedly reduced mortality rates and saved millions of
lives
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.
Furthermore
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, people's interactions can be influenced by the progression of technology in communication
such
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 as the Internet, which allows access to instant information and enhances societal welfare.
In addition
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 to improving the
quality
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 of the citizens, the discovery of
science
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 is essential in terms of technological progress.
Science
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 breakthroughs like renewable energy, have increasingly impacted a better life.
For instance
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, the innovation of solar energy has essentially decreased the use of fossil fuels
as well as
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 fulfilled energy demands worldwide.
Similarly
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, the introduction of electric vehicles has contributed to alleviating climate change, benefiting from good air
quality
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 and a better environment. In conclusion, I firmly believe that improving people's
lives
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 is the most important aim of
science
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. From enhancing the
quality
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 of everyday challenges through medical innovations to advancing technological progress that tackles obstacles globally,
science
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 has ensured individuals
to live
Change the verb form
lives
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.
Therefore
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, scientific advancements should be the priority to address problems all around the world.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, consider using a bit more variety in your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with 'Science...,' you could use introductory phrases or clauses to add variety.
task achievement
Provide a bit more depth in the examples. For instance, when discussing antibiotics, consider mentioning specific impacts like the treatment of bacterial infections that were previously fatal, or when referring to renewable energies, mention specific countries or contexts where these technologies have been transformative.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the thesis, and a logical conclusion which strengthens the overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a comprehensive response, covering multiple aspects of how science improves people's lives.
task achievement
Strong points are well-supported by relevant examples, such as the impact of antibiotics and renewable energy technologies.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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