Some people think that dangerous extreme sports such as rock climbing and skydiving should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Nowadays, a lot of people have turned to extreme sports
such
as skydiving, rock climbing or zip lining in the deep valleys. There is a group of people that
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
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such
plays should be banned by the government for obvious safety reasons. I highly agree with
this
view and shall discuss the same in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
with, we can see more and more youth turning to
such
sports, as these activities come with a sudden adrenalin boost leaving one feeling high and blood rushing to the brain. It
also
helps a person keep fit as they need to be in perfect health to be able to perform these.
However
, what these folks do not understand is,
there
Correct word choice
that there
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is always a life-threatening risk
while
performing these. Even a small miss, by a fraction, can result in life-changing consequences.
For example
,
while
skydiving, if the person is even late by 10 seconds time can land them into situations that could make them feel regretful or guilty.
On the other hand
, these businesses solely depend on the safety pieces of equipment used by the organizers,
such
as parachutes, harnesses, ropes and zip lines. When performing these activities one has to put their life online trusting the sturdiness and durability of the pieces of equipment being used. Even a minor defect in these can cause the life of a person. We can see multiple instances where people suffered from parachute failure or breakage of ropes or loosening of harness, resulting in endangering situations. In conclusion, it would be wise for the government to ban
such
sports from being performed in the country, as no adrenalin rush or boost of energy is more valuable than one's life and future.
Therefore
I strongly agree with
this
viewpoint.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

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task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively outline the writer's position. However, the essay lacks a clear engagement with the opposing viewpoint and does not fully address the topic question.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is decent, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and could benefit from better linkers and transitions to improve coherence.
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