Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's world,
pollution
and housing problems significantly impact human health
. While
some argue that reducing environmental pollution
should be the government's primary focus to prevent diseases, others believe that other issues deserve more attention. I contend that harmful substances in food
are a more significant health
threat
than pollution
, leading to more severe health
issues, including cancer. Therefore
, I disagree with the notion that governments should prioritize reducing environmental pollution
over other health
concerns.
One argument against focusing primarily on environmental pollution
is that other health
risks, such
as food
safety, may pose a greater threat
. While
companies and heavy industries do contaminate streams and rivers, leading to water pollution
, many countries mitigate this
issue with advanced filtration systems. For example
, in Taiwan, 80% of households use domestic water filters, ensuring access to clean drinking water. Additionally
, housing problems like overcrowded and poorly organized communities are widespread, but their health
impacts are often less severe than those caused by contaminated food
. Consequently
, while
environmental pollution
is a concern, it may not warrant the highest priority when compared to other health
risks.
In contrast
, the presence of carcinogenic additives in food
is a growing concern that demands immediate government attention. Research indicates that harmful substances in food
products are a leading cause of cancer. For instance
, Sudan Red, a dye used in solvents and clothing, is sometimes illicitly added to food
to cut costs, leading to severe health
issues. Unlike environmental pollutants, harmful food
additives are directly and rapidly absorbed by the intestines, posing an immediate threat
to health
. Therefore
, governments should prioritize food
safety to protect public health
effectively.
In conclusion, while
reducing environmental pollution
and addressing housing problems are important, the presence of carcinogenic substances in food
poses a more immediate and severe threat
to public health
. Governments should focus more on ensuring food
safety to prevent illnesses and diseases. By tackling foodborne health
risks, we can better protect public health
and reduce the incidence of serious diseases like cancer.Submitted by aa0963178783 on
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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear viewpoint and addresses the topic effectively, you could improve clarity by providing more balanced arguments. Acknowledging the importance of reducing environmental pollution in more depth would strengthen your stance.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing the coherence between paragraphs would improve the essay. Transitions between different points could be smoother. For instance, clearly connect the discussion on food safety back to the overall topic of preventing illnesses and diseases.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, but they could be expanded upon to illustrate your points more vividly. Consider also addressing counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, clearly outlining and summarizing your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and maintains a consistent position throughout, making it easy to follow your argumentation.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.