IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with the people who have high Level degree. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #par #level
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
 have differing views with regard to the question of which employers should gain more salary. In my opinion, both views have the same strong reasons and in
this
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I will discuss both views in close sight. On the one hand,
people
 who do physical
work
 may believe that their job needs a
lot
 of fitness and hard
work
 and that results in consuming more and different dishes of food, and
in addition
, they need to be healthy and fit.
For example
, employers who
work
 in factories need to do a
lot
 of hard
work
 and they should be careful with dealing with different equipment which they may harm them if lose their attention.That means a
lot
 of dangerous actions and threats face these works.Working among these threats may cost their lives.these
people
 really make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
oflot risks to live in good and fair life.
On the other hand
, I believe that folks who spend a
lot
 of time studying and making a
lot
 of offers to pass complicated subjects be paid fair money.
For instance
, a doctor who spent seven years in university did a
lot
 of assessments and paid a
lot
 of fees to gain his degree,
Moreover
,
this
 doctor must
work
 for long hours and stay all night with patients or on call . There are various types of getting high pay,
however
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most group should pay those who have a high degree. To sum up, I believe that employers who do more physical
work
 should be paid enough salary,
,,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
people
 who have a high degree can
also
 have fair enough money.
Submitted by saeedra358 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: