It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behoviour in addition to providing formal education. Do you agree or disagree?
Children
should be taught good behaviour
by schools as well as
overall
education. Although
teachers
can affect children
's manner, I accept that parents
are totally responsible for children
's behaviour
.
It is a fact that teachers
have a significant role in teaching good behaviour
. The main reason is that children
spend nearly half a day at school
with their friends and teachers
. As a result
, teachers
could affect children
's behaviour
by rules of etiquette, internal rules of the school
and teachers
' role in the class during the education. Moreover
, the school
environment such
as friends and classmates could influence children
's manners. Because the behaviours of young people are the same as their peers. According to
statistics, in Japan, pupils who have different types of behaviour
are educated separately, as good behaviour
pupils study in a
class and bad Correct determiner usage
one
behaviour
pupils in other ones. Therefore
, schools are partially responsible for children
's behaviour
.
On the other hand
, almost every child lives with their family. They go to school
after six years old. By that time, they spend all their time with their parents
. Parents
lead an example for children
and children
learn the basic habits from them. If the environment in the house is normal, children
will be good behaviour
smart and polite. Because parents
are heroes, so children
imitate them. For example
, from a statistical perspective, 70% of successful and rich people were born into intelligent families. Thus
, it is the duty of parents
to teach good behaviour
.
In conclusion, education is the main duty of schools. However
, parents
are totally responsible for teaching children
good behaviour
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized overall, but make sure to have clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state your main idea.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, consider providing a few more specific details or data points to fully support your arguments.
task achievement
Try to aim for a bit more consistency in your argument, making sure each point is equally well-developed.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that help support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow that makes it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.