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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it?

#countries #level #crime #crimes
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In the contemporary epoch, the
rate
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 of
crime
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 is observed to be skyrocketing in various nations around the globe. Unemployment and corrupt
government
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 officials are the major causes of the significant rise in the
crime
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 ratio. It is necessary to make humans aware and make strict regulations for the rulers of the country to protect the economy.
To begin
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 with, the most predominant extrapolation behind the excessive
crime
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rate
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 is unemployment in most nations.
For instance
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, as per the reports of 2018, approximately 6.7% of the Indian population was living below the poverty line and
this
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 situation has been exacerbated in 2019, and 2020. If individuals are not able to earn enough for their living to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their necessities
due to
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 the dearth of resources, they usually choose the wrong trajectory and end up becoming criminals.
Hence
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, the lack of jobs is a primary reason that boosts criminal percentage. Another pivotal reason is the presence of some corrupt
government
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 leaders in the nation. There are some executives, who only care about money and they do not care for the well-being of their public, and they use black money to promote corrupt practices in the economy to maintain their power.
Due to
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such
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 cases, administration staff members who are already rich are earning well and the poor are suffering relentlessly and get involved in the line of criminals for their family needs. It is enormously vital that an equal chance should be provided to all to get jobs so that the poor do not suffer
due to
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 money pressure from the richer sections of the society and
this
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 will help to control the rising
crime
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rate
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 to some extent. Public awareness plays a vital role in improving all the troubles in society, increasing
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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rate
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 is no exception. If the public knows about the corrupt
government
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 officials they can get together and raise their voices to change them,
this
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 will bring unity among the people
along with
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
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,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 will be a huge step in eliminating the
crime
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 ratio.
Hence
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, awareness and unity can work together to control
this
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 major issue in the countries.
To conclude
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, as per the reasons
along with
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 the solutions mentioned above,
it is clear that
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 unemployment and
government
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 policies are contributing to an increase in the
crime
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rate
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.
Thus
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, the provided solutions can be applied to reduce
this
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 problem in the country.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate linguistic proficiency.
task achievement
Including specific examples and statistical data strengthens your argument. Consider incorporating more varied sources and statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed and expanded upon. This will help in making your essay more coherent and cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by identifying causes and proposing viable solutions to the problem of increasing crime rates, fulfilling the requirements of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You make good use of linking words to connect ideas smoothly, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • violent crimes
  • socioeconomic factors
  • law enforcement
  • technology
  • education
  • employment
  • drug abuse
  • alcohol abuse
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • effectiveness
  • investing
  • job creation
  • social support
  • community engagement
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