IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
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As the
food
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 industry in the world is developing various types of
food
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 which are healthy and nonhealthy are introduced to the market.
As a result
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,
obesity
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 in
children
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 is increasing at an alarming
rate
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 due to different types of
food
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 introduced to
children
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. A majority of people hold the view that
authorities
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 should be responsible for the increase in the
obesity
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rate
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 of
children
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. I partly agree with the above-mentioned statement because
parents
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 are
also
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 responsible for their
children
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's
weight
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. The following essay will elaborate
further
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 on the topic with examples. Commencing, it is true that
authorities
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 in different countries hold the responsibility for the nation's
children
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's
obesity
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rate
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 because
firstly
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, government organizations provide the approval for
food
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 companies to publish advertisements regarding fast
food
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 which is unhealthy for youngsters.
Moreover
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, the
food
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 stalls which are located on pavements sell
food
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 items for a very cheap price. As an example, street vendors sell
food
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 near a majority of schools for a cheap price like a burger for $2, and these
food
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 are made out of unhealthy essentials.
Secondly
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, the government market high-calorie
food
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 and sugar beverages that give rise to high
weight
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 in
children
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,
besides
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,
children
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 get addicted to sweet and
food
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 which is presentable inform of them rather than
food
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such
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 as vegetables or fruits.
On the other hand
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, it is not only
authorities
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 who are liable for the
weight
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 problem of
children
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,
parents
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 are the main group of people who are responsible for the epidemic. It is because nowadays
parents
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 are busy with their work-life
instead
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 of making a home-cooked meal they tend to buy
food
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 from outlets
such
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 as Mac or Kfc,
moreover
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, some households make predicate
food
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such
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 as pizza for their
children
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. As a consequence
children
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 are unable to develop a healthy diet. As an example, in many western countries
parents
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 or caregivers do not have any intention to feed their
children
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 nutritious
food
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 since they focus more on their professional life.
Moreover
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, since a majority of
parents
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 have a hectic routine they are facing repercussions of teaching their
children
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 good healthy habits. In conclusion, I partially agree that government is liable for the
weight
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 disorder in
children
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 because they focus more on economic enhancement rather than
children
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's health. Other than the
authorities
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,
parents
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 are the major group of people in society who are in control of
children
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's
obesity
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rate
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.
Submitted by wathsala.lekamge1997 on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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