IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that advertising is useful and informative. And some believe it provides false information in order to increase the price of products and services. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The importance of advertisement is significant in the modern business world.
However
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, there are predominantly two contrasting views. One section of society claims that
such
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 announcements are extremely essential because they improve awareness and provide information about specific
products
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,
while
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 others emphasize that modern advertisements often claim unrealistic benefits to promote their goods, which can lead to overpricing and higher service charges. I believe that advertisements are essential in today's society to spread knowledge and improve consumers understanding. Apparently, some people believe that promotions often provide false advice, which can mislead consumers.
In other words
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, numerous marketing companies often promote
products
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 by showcasing emotional appeal or celebrity endorsement to influence the masses.
For example
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, fairness creams
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 fair and Lovely and Fair and Handsome frequently promise instant glow, which could be rarely achieved in reality.
Furthermore
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, these endorsements are extremely expensive. Organizations often include marketing costs to recover their promotional expenses, making the product more expensive than it needs to be. Despite
this
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, I would argue that advertisements educate the crowd and share
education
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 about markets and
products
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe that adverts play a key role in helping consumers and providing various choices in the market, the public learns about new
products
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, services and features.
For example
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, the famous organization Apple conducts a big advertisement event every year to promote the new iPhone,
this
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 event not only spreads technical advice but
also
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 serves
education
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 about recent technology and its uses.
Therefore
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, I believe
that is
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 the medium of
education
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 and it harnesses smart consumerization practices. In conclusion, adverts displaying fake promises and higher product pricing are a serious concern in today's markets but the purpose of
education
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 and fast knowledge sharing should not be overlooked either,
this
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 phenomenon increases awareness and updates society with the recent items in the market.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea linked to your argument. Sometimes, the ideas feel somewhat jumbled, making it hard for the reader to follow your line of thought.
Task Achievement
Consider expressing your opinions more clearly, perhaps by using phrases like 'In my view' or 'I firmly believe', to emphasize your personal stance.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to support your claims about the effectiveness of advertising, which would strengthen your argument overall.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives regarding advertising, which is commendable as it shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with appropriate paragraphs for each part of the discussion, which aids readability.
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