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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Technology is making communication easier in today's world, but at the expense of personal contact as many people choose to work at home infront of a computer screen. What are the dangers are there for a society which depends on computer screens rather than face-to-face contact for its main means of communication

In
this
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 contemporary world, a majority of individuals use social media applications to speak to others rather than meet them in
person
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 and talk.
Thus
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, today's society is dependent on
computer
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 screens for
communication
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 which will lead to many problems.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will elaborate on
this
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further
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.
To begin
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 with, it is hard for a
person
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 to express his feelings, ideas and thoughts in a few text messages when communicating with another
person
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.
For example
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, a recent survey done by Harvard University in the USA found that 90% of students find it difficult to date online as they don't know whether the messages sent by their significant other are genuine or not.
Hence
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, almost the same proportion of couples who met online break up within 2 weeks compared to couples who meet up in
person
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 and openly communicate their feelings.
On the other hand
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, when more people get accustomed to using
computer
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 screens as a main mode of talking to others it will adversely affect their social skills.
This
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 is because an individual needs to socialize with everyone in order to present himself confidently and express their thoughts and opinions to the members of the public.
For instance
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, a recent study done by a Canadian university found that many juveniles who spend most of their time talking to their peers through social media platforms like Instagram or Snapchat are socially awkward when they meet up with new people physically. Another danger of depending on a
computer
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 screen for
communication
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 is that it will lead to health problems
such
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 as chronic backaches and weak eyesight. To illustrate
this
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, a recent newspaper stated that the number of people who wear spectacles in Austria increased by 50% and the main reason for
this
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 is
due to
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 staring at their laptops for long hours. In conclusion, it is aptly clear from the aforementioned information that using a
computer
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 screen for
communication
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 rather than physical contact will lead to many misunderstandings, reduce one's social skills and
also
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 develop various health issues.
Consequently
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, it is important to engage in physical
communication
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 rather than online to avoid the above problems.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain each main point and how it connects to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas better and improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and help to frame your essay well.
ideas
You have identified some important issues regarding communication through computer screens.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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