IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In
this
Linking Words
 21st century, no one can survive without
money
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. It is an essential thing which children and adults both need. Here Adults can easily earn
money
Use synonyms
 by doing a job
however
Linking Words
 for pupils,
pocket
Use synonyms
money
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 is trending in many countries. In my point of view, I
am disagreeing
Wrong verb form
disagree
show examples
 with giving
pocket
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money
Use synonyms
 regularly because it makes them spoiled. To start with, giving
pocket
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money
Use synonyms
 on
weekly
Correct article usage
a weekly
show examples
 basis to toddlers is not a wise thing. The reason behind
that is
Linking Words
 they do not have proper knowledge of where to spend
money
Use synonyms
 and from that sometimes they go on the wrong path which
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 their future in
dark
Correct article usage
the dark
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a 15-year-old student watches a show where
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
 drinks alcohol and
then
Linking Words
 he used to drink liquor on a regular basis with his regular earnings given by his parents.
Secondly
Linking Words
, pupils are not enough mature to think about future savings
hence
Linking Words
 the majority of them do not save a single penny and either waste their
money
Use synonyms
 or
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 it because they do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value for
money
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.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance, a survey
happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in American schools that 58% of the students spend received amount either on chocolates or waffles and amongst 43% forget to collect the cash from the school canteen or cafe. All and all
to conclude
Linking Words
 my point, giving
pocket
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money
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 is good but using it without any guidance is not good and because of providing cash on a weekly basis sometimes
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 pupils on the wrong path and
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 them spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useless things.

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Task Achievement
Provide clearer reasons to support your opinion, and explain why pocket money can spoil children.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' and 'in conclusion' to help the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
The opinion is clear: you disagree with giving pocket money regularly.
Task Achievement
You give examples that relate to children and spending, which is relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pocket money
  • benefit
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting skills
  • saving habits
  • independence
  • decision-making
  • financial management
  • value of money
  • earning
  • spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • consequences
  • work ethic
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