IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

When going to the office, working
parents
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 will leave their
children
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 unattended. It is often argued that taking their
children
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 to
a
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apply
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childcare
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 is the best solution,
while
Linking Words
 some believe that it is better to leave them with close relatives
such
Linking Words
 as grandparents.
This
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 essay agrees that it is preferred to leave the
minors
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 to
a
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apply
show examples
childcare
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 because they will teach the kids with structured learning. On the one hand, some people who work choose to ask their
parents
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 to guard their
children
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 because they believe that their
parents
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 will do no harm and teach their
children
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 with love.
However
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, as their
parents
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 are ageing and capped with a health condition, they might lose their sight when the
children
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 are playing.
For instance
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, a recent study showed that on average, grandparents’ prime age to guard a child is only up to 75 years old.
On the other hand
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, those who need to go to the office from nine to five will take their
children
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 to
childcare
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 since they believe that the
childcare
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 will provide active learning and systematic games for their
children
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.
Moreover
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,
children
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 could be more developed and learn to interact with each other by doing so. It is
therefore
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 agreed that
childcare
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 is the perfect solution for working
parents
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.
For example
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, a survey in 2022 showed that taking
minors
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 to
childcare
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 for 8 hours a day has made them become more communicative with their
parents
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. In conclusion,
while
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 some
parents
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 believe that leaving their
minors
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 with close relatives when working will be a suitable option, some still choose to take them to
childcare
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 since they will provide systematic learning. To that extent,
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees that unattended
minors
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 should be taken to
childcare
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 rather than leaving them with their grandparents
due to
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 their age and health issues.

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task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Though your essay engages with both views and provides your own opinion, ensure that each view is explored thoroughly with equal depth and detail.
coherence cohesion
Your writing has good logical structure, but to enhance cohesion, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., transition words). This can help your ideas flow more naturally from one to the next.
task achievement
To score higher in task achievement, expand the range of specific examples you provide to support your arguments. This will make your points more persuasive and your response more complete.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured educational environment
  • early childhood education
  • stimulating activities
  • cognitive and social development
  • peer interaction
  • social skills
  • fostering independence
  • personalized and emotionally supportive environment
  • sense of security
  • emotional well-being
  • wealth of life experience
  • cultural values and traditions
  • enriching upbringing
  • familiar environment
  • structured activities
  • social interaction
  • hybrid approach
  • well-rounded experience
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