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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that childhood is the best stage of happiness. while others believe that a person can enjoy more happiness in other stages of life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #childhood #stage #happiness #person #stages #life
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Life
Use synonyms
 has many
stages
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 and all
stages
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 have their own importance. A group of people believe that the best stage in
one
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's
life
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 is
childhood
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, the opponents of
this
Linking Words
 view think that all
stages
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 are important in
life
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. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 every stage is unique and a blessing and it can vary from
person
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 to
person
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. when compared with other
stages
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,
childhood
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 is the only stage
one
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 can enjoy freedom without any limits.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
one
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 could get the utmost care and love at
this
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 time. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean, during their
smaller
Correct word choice
young
show examples
 age parent will look after them and love them unconditionally. Parents will fulfil all your needs and they allow you to do what you like. To cite an example, in India, most children are healthier and happier with their parents. Another pertinent point regarding
childhood
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 is that
one
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 can study without any responsibilities and become a successful
person
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.
However
Linking Words
, other
stages
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 in
life
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also
Linking Words
 have happiness but in different ways. At a younger age,
one
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 has to find a job
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
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 money to become an independent
person
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. To elucidate,
one
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 can enjoy
life
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 by buying things
such
Linking Words
 as branded commodities, if
one
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 has earnings.
One
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 could get satisfaction by doing
this
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.
While
Linking Words
 considering adulthood,
one
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 can get married and look after their children. To explain
further
Linking Words
,
one
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 can celebrate birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and childbirth. During their old age, a
person
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 could lead a peaceful
life
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 with his family with a lot of
life
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 experiences. In conclusion, I think that not only
childhood
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 but
also
Linking Words
 all
life
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stages
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 are important and enjoyable with our loved ones. If
one
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 can find happiness in every moment without any negative thoughts, their
life
Use synonyms
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be a paradise in all time.
Submitted by jackjohn0590 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear and specific point, and provide supporting details and examples to reinforce the ideas.
task response
The introduction and conclusion should be clearly stated and provide a strong overview of the main points. Make sure that the essay adequately addresses all aspects of the topic, and supports the opinion with relevant examples.
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