IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think advantage of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #advantage #people #museum
In
this
 modern era, visiting
museums
 become more common,for spending the whole day with families and even tourists.In my opinion , letting
visitors
 go to
museums
 for free is more beneficial for both the government and individual
people
, I will discuss in
this
 essay why
that is
 better .
Firstly
, the government having a lot of
visitors
 come to the country will increase the economy in profitable ways,meaning a lot of sectors will get those benefits,
such
 as airports, hotels,shops and food sectors.A country with attractive
museums
 will be a spot for
people
 from all over the world,if these
museums
 do not charge for entrance
people
 would to
hope
Add the particle
tohope
show examples
 visit them and advise their friends to go to these
museums
 and have a tour.The aim of the government is to have million and million of
visitors
 and
this
 will lead to many different political and economic outcomes.
secondly
. I believe that paying nothing can certainly help
people
 save their money,
,,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
this
 is not the only reason for
this
 belief these
museums
 can contribute to educating
people
 about the country and the society's culture. May anyone will ask what is the benefit of educating
people
 about the traditional culture, the answer will be simple if the new generation learns more about their ancestors
then
 they will have a flourishing future.Recent university studies claim that the need for knowledge of the past is the master key to gaining a pour success in the meantime. To sum up, while we hope all
museums
 do not charge
visitors
, these
museums
 must introduce new attractive educational methods.
Submitted by saeedra358 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: