IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that women should play equal role in police or Military forces like army. Others believe that these work are unsuitable for women. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Gender
Use synonyms
 equality had a huge disparity in the past time compared to today. Other perceives that females should do things equally to
males
Use synonyms
 like in military forces, but few believes that being in the army is not a fit job for women. I strongly agree that
gender
Use synonyms
 does not hinder the capacity of female to perform work as male does. Some jobs which require strong performance capacity like a soldier are considered
tough
Add an article
a tough
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
For instance
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, those military forces who are designated in difficult cases would preferably choose a strong man with great focus and concentration to solve the problem at hand, in
such
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 a way that their masculinity is utilized naturally since
this
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 is based on
gender
Use synonyms
 identity.
Thus
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, boys are said to be fit to work as police officers.
However
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, I believe that women are flexible to do what
males
Use synonyms
 are doing.
For example
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, in the past, females are only responsible for household chores and taking care of children,
however
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, nowadays
both
Use synonyms
gender
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 has equal capacity in doing the same profession. Working as a pilot in the aircraft industry wherein a female can fly a plane which only
males
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 can do before is one remarkable example of
this
Linking Words
.
Hence
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,
both
Use synonyms
gender
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 is capable of attending the same occupation
likewise
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 with the same workload. In the Philippines, husband and wife have been producing an income
similarly
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 by doing the same job title and heavy workload has no differences at all. Even my sister works as a carpenter which is one of the dominant works of
males
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 in the past, but at present, the vast majority of females in my neighbourhood can perform similar carpentry tasks as the
males
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 in our community.
As a result
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, there is an equal
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 that
both
Use synonyms
 genders can perform in society. To conclude,
males
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 are strong in nature because of their body built and they are known to be dominated in army jobs. With great focus and concentration, I believe that
both
Use synonyms
 genders are equal and can do heavy tasks similar to what we clearly witness at present.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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