An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

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Cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

has become more common in recent years as

people

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want to change their appearances.

This

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essay will explain the reasons behind

this

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circumstance and discuss its negative impacts. Cosmetic

surgery

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has become more common because

people

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desire to fit

Change preposition

the

show examples

beauty

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standards. Many influencers, whose appearances are attractive, are famous on social media platforms.

This

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can create insecurities, especially among teenagers who are vulnerable and easily influenced, as

people

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get exposed to social media every day.

Therefore

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, they would feel the need to change their physical appearance to blend in with the community.

For example

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, in Korea, K-Pop idols are considered the

beauty

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images within the country. Because of

this

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, young girls are likely to have surgeries

such

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as a nose job, face Botox, and lip filler , as many K-Pop idols have them.

Although

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these surgeries bring benefits, their drawbacks are substantial.

First,

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undergoing cosmetic

surgery

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may be detrimental to health. Since

surgery

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such

Linking Words

as Botox only lasts for a certain amount of time, one will need to come back to the surgeon frequently if he/she wants to keep up with the

beauty

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standards.

In addition

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, when everyone focuses solely on physical appearance, meaningful inner traits may be neglected.

For instance

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, many young

people

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in Korea got turned down after the interview because they do not satisfy the company’s

beauty

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policy despite having all demanded skills.

Instead

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, the company will hire individuals with more attractive visuals. In conclusion,

although

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cosmetic

surgery

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can help one achieve his/her desired look, it has a detrimental effect on an individual’s health and shapes the way

people

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perceive

beauty

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negatively.

nguyenmy170405

Jun 26, 2026

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task response

Answer both questions more directly. Say more clearly why people choose surgery and why you think it is negative.

task response

Add one more clear idea about the reasons, such as work pressure or fear of aging.

task response

Your examples are good, but explain them a little more so the link to your main point is stronger.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

Some ideas move too fast. Add simple linking words like also, because, as a result, and however.

coherence and cohesion

Keep one main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step.

task response

You answer both parts of the question.

task response

Your position is clear: you think this is a negative development.

task response

You use relevant examples about social media, Korea, and jobs.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

The ideas usually follow a logical order.

coherence and cohesion

You use linking words like first, in addition, although, and therefore.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

Some people think that local authorities should control where building can be constructed. Others thinks that everyone should be free to build where they like without permission. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than on other factors. To what extent you agree or disagree？

Some people believe the government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the Earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?