IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, people in some countries can choose to live and work anywhere they want because of the improvement in transportation and communication technologies. Discuss the benefits and the drawbacks of the phenomenon

#people #countries #work #improvement #transportation #communication #technologies #phenomenon
In the current scenario,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 prefer to live and work at any location, as they desire due to the revolution in transportation and communication. The main positive of
this
development
 is to live in
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 city,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the main negative is the wastage of time and money.
This
 essay intends to analyse both views in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
Firstly
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time and distance are no longer barriers to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international trade and exchange like teleconferencing
as a result
 of
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 communication means and transport.
Secondly
, for education, all kinds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teaching approaches
such
 as distance learning allow teachers and students to work more efficiently and effectively.
Furthermore
, for our daily life, people could live or work at any place they are willing to, even miles away from their hometown as they could be back home easily by bus, underground, private car, fairy, flight and so on and stay in touch with their family at any time by the means of communication
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
However
, everything has a negative side. While we enjoy the
comforting
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 and luxury of our dwelling derived from the
development
 of science and technology, we have to realize that some
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human health and
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
 environment
also
 have been occurred inevitably. As we
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
, the
development
 of the automobile industry has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
intensified the consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural resources and the pollution of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Another notable problem is that people are becoming more and more
over dependent
Add a hyphen
over-dependent
show examples
 on using all types of digital devices. Some
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
 have shown that these kinds of products would generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new human illnesses and would have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative effect on some abilities of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
such
 problem solving without those products. Overall, everything has two sides, positive and negative.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced science and technology give us
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 convenient and more comfortable life;
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
 it
also
 has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative fallout. But in my view, the advantages of
this
 should outweigh its disadvantages because
development
 is the only meaning of the existence of mankind. The key point should be
what
Correct word choice
how
show examples
 we are going to minimize the risks
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
development
 and take all
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
 of
development
 into consideration on the ground of
concept
Correct article usage
the concept
show examples
 of sustainability.
Submitted by sainifamily511 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: