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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree?

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These days, with the influential impacts of digital entertainment tools, some argue that parents should restrict screen time for
children
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 and promote reading
books
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.
While
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 there may be valid arguments to the contrary, I firmly believe that encouraging reading
books
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 over electronic means of entertainment is exponentially advisable. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows.
To begin
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 with, it is evident that excessive screen consumption can lead to mental, physical, and societal harm. Prolonged exposure to TV or computer games can lead to a declined attention span, obesity, and social isolation.
According to
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 research by Harvard University,
children
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 who spend more than three hours a day at the computer or television set are more likely to suffer from depression, an inability to concentrate, and physical difficulties
such
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 as heart attacks or high cholesterol
due to
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 a lack of physical activity.
Therefore
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, permitting
children
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 to spend a limited time on digital programs is crucial to maintaining a balanced life.
On the other hand
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,
however
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, reading
books
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 enhances cognitive skills and creativity. Engaging with
books
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 stimulates imagination, broadens vocabulary range, and strengthens analytical thinking. Studies have proven that
children
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 who have spent a minimum of 30 minutes a day reading diverse
books
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 are more likely to perform better in school compared to those who do not.
As a result
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, incorporating reading
books
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instead
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 of screen consumption into daily life from childhood guarantees physical and mental well-being in later life, paving the way toward more progress. In conclusion, given the health risks associated with watching TV or playing digital games, I strongly believe that parents should not only limit these programs for their
children
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 but encourage them to read
books
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 if they wish to nurture an efficient character in society.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument in favor of limiting screen time and encouraging reading, which is directly aligned with the prompt. Ensure each point made is fully developed and explained in detail to enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While the structure of your essay is generally effective, consider varying your sentence structure to create smoother transitions and enhance flow. For example, linking sentences at the start of new paragraphs can help maintain coherence.
task achievement
Using more specific examples or anecdotes could strengthen your argument further. Consider mentioning a specific book or type of reading that particularly benefits children or any other relatable examples that support your claims.
task achievement
Your introduction is engaging and clearly outlines your position, which helps establish the purpose of the essay and guides the reader effectively.
task achievement
You've provided compelling evidence and statistics, particularly from Harvard University, which adds credibility to your points and engages the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reiterates your stance, which gives a strong finish to your essay.
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