IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in case homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages or this trend?

#people #families #case #homes #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is agreed that the main goals of human beings are TO survive and give birth TO their children. Of course, we have other purposes as well, but nature gave us
such
Linking Words
 targets on an instinct level. It was normal that families USED TO
LIVED
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 together under one roof because it was better for surviving and looking after offspring and for the elderly as well.
However
Linking Words
, A new trend in developed countries has been changing IT SINCE the
second
Linking Words
 part of THE
twentyS
Correct your spelling
twenty
 century and usually family
separates
Replace the word
separate
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the popularity of nursing homes is rising, and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation is looking after their predecessors less THAN it was before.
Linking Words
Such
Add an article
The such
show examples
 tendency has its own perks and quirks which we discuss in the essay.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is always difficult to break a link between parents and children, and not only for THE child. We GET the idea of one family from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood, so putting your elderly
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a nursing home could be treated as a betrayal from THEM, and which is equally important, from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if you have great relations between generations, it is always good to keep them and nursing your elderly is A very WISE way to do
this
Linking Words
. From THE other point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 the modern world dictates its own terms.
Although
Linking Words
 we extended our day with electricity, we have less time than our ancestors. The pressure from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is so high that depression becomes COMMON among our generation. In
such
Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
circumstance
Add a comma
,circumstance
show examples
 we have less ability to look after our elderly.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life expectancy has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 decades, so old people have diseases that WERE rare many years ago
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because humans just died before GETTING them.
Such
Linking Words
 illnesses sometimes need special care which IS difficult to achieve at home. To sum up, I want to say that LOOKING after your elderly IS undoubtedly a good tradition, but it will be substituted by case and nursing homes in the future. It MIGHT be normal for our society to put elderly THE there.
Submitted by vitalysavchenko on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: