IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some childeren spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#childeren #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Nowadays, a vast number of
children
Use synonyms
 spend a considerable amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on their
smartphones
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. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 matter is big deal. Since
children
Use synonyms
 are mentally weak,
thus
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 they are more likely to lose their identity. I am
also
Linking Words
 convinced that using too much technology
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in
children
Use synonyms
 can have many negative
effects
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their life. It is my view that
children
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 can miss
a
Remove the article
apply
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plenty of new experiences that lead to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
miss
Wrong verb form
missing
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 learning many new
skils
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
such
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 as music and art ,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
Moreover
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, they are more
likekly
Correct your spelling
likely
 to find difficult to
connection
Replace the word
connect
show examples
 with
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 in
real
Add an article
the real
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world
Use synonyms
 because they have spent
Correct article usage
a gread
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gread
Correct your spelling
great
 deal of their
time
Use synonyms
 in a
virual
Correct your spelling
virtual
world
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can lose their real identity. In
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
world
Use synonyms
, they are vulnerable.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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, it is
reallly
Correct your spelling
really
 important to control
their
Change the word
the
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 how
spend
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
smartphones
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. I
further
Linking Words
 believe that using many hours of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 in
children
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 can have numerous
necative
Correct your spelling
negative
effects
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and mind.
For instance
Linking Words
, they become too lazy and shy. They find it difficult to leave their
smartphones
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.
Thus
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,
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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 of technology and
smartphones
Use synonyms
 have many
necative
Correct your spelling
negative
effects
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. They miss lots of
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 with others
children
Use synonyms
 and their childhood. In conclusion,
children
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 are
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of our
world
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.So, we should
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 carefully about
their
Change the word
the
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 how
spend
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
 on
smartphones
Use synonyms
 because they are more
vulnreable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
.And we know
devoloping
Correct your spelling
developing
 of technology
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many
necative
Correct your spelling
negative
effects
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, people should control their
children
Use synonyms
 in using
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by melika.verdi on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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