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Band 7

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

#person #company #believe #money #reason
It is believed that money is the main
reason
 that motivates a person to stay working for the same company. I disagree with
this
 opinion, and I think that
job
 security and better career growth prospects are the main reasons for an individual to work for the same company for a longer duration. It is evident from many surveys that
job
 security is the main concern for an
employee
 in the rapidly changing world. Every
employee
 would like to feel secure in their
job
.
For example
, if an
employee
 is not working with the same
team
 for a longer period,
then
 he will not be able to become the core member of that working
team
. If you are not one of the main members of a project
team
,
then
 you will be always considered a supporting member and you can be easily removed from the
team
 for any
reason
 and end up losing your
job
.
Therefore
, a person prefers to stay with the same organisation for many years. The other potential
reason
 for staff to work in the same organisation is better career growth.
For example
,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you have noticed that major companies like TATA, HSBC, etc, would like to consider only their employees for important positions like CEO, CFO, MD, etc. These companies won't prefer to hire outsiders for these key designations.
Therefore
, if an
employee
 stays with the same company for a considerable duration,
then
 he has a higher chance of reaching these top positions. As I explained above, there are many reasons that can motivate a person to work for the same organisation and I believe money is not the main
reason
.
Submitted by msrinivas7866 on

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task achievement
While the essay is clear and mostly comprehensive, it could be strengthened by providing further relevant specific examples. For instance, instead of briefly mentioning companies like TATA and HSBC, expanding on actual cases or statistics could make the argument more compelling.
task achievement
A more nuanced approach to contrasting different motivations (like money vs. job security/career growth) could enhance the depth of the analysis.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of the essay is strong, using transition words more consistently could improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas on why job security and career growth are influential factors for staying at the same company.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear stance and summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is supported adequately, making the arguments more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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