IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sport activities as they give to the university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#universities #amount #money #students’ #sport #activities #university #libraries #support
It is difficult to understand how much cash universities should give for different
activities
. In my humble opinion,
this
 educational institution should allow having more
money
 for sports because they are more important for younger, who already study on their own. In fact, sports are useful for body and growth. To commence with, we have to consider that people must understand the importance of keeping their bodies in a good state. So, if universities give
money
 to practical
activities
 is good. In fact, in
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 they can improve their health without spending their own
money
. So, they can study because they attend university, but at the same time have a space in which they can do some
activities
 and improve their physical qualities.
Moreover
, practising sports can show how important
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
some values, like collaboration, friendship, determination,
sacrifice
Correct word choice
and sacrifice
show examples
 and maybe the most important
that is
 understanding our own values as a person. Learning these values means being better.
For instance
, if a student starts to practice soccer, she/he can understand how to adjust to other people and how
stay
Add the particle
to stay
show examples
 in a group with a common aim and work for it. In conclusion, even if we all know that libraries are essential structures, universities already offer the possibility to study so it would be better if a bigger amount of
money
 is given to physical
activities
instead
 of in the library
Submitted by scognamiglioanna88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: