IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some think that people can be encouraged to live healthy through sporting events such as Olympics or World Cup. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both views and state you opinion.

#adults #exercise #think #people #events #olympics #world #cup
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that the Olympics or World Cup can offer an opportunity according to
exercise
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
's bodies.
However
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, it is no wonder that another way is
also
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 existing that gives the opportunity to move their body.
Therefore
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this
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 essay aims to elaborate on both sides' opinions about the aforementioned and I describe my opinion.
To begin
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 with, it can affect for
people
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 to promote exercising, according to the increasing of TV programs, especially sports,
such
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 as the Olympics or the World Cup.
That is
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 why it is possible that
people
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 want to play sports like an athlete.
For example
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, after Tokyo Olympics, the population of skateboarding was quite rising compared to the past until it did not take place.
On the other hand
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, there is a regime that more promotes the populace to
exercise
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 than watch TV. These days, our society has a point system that
people
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 can get some points when they moved their bodies. To illustrate, the application of Coke On.
This
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 system is that if
people
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 walk and accomplished their own target of walking steps, they can save points, and after, they can get some drinks
instead
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 of saved points. It's useful to
people
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's motivation about
exercise
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. From my perspective, I recommend for a company incorporate accustom to
exercise
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 their employees.
This
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 is because it is the most effective for adults to keep their health with
exercise
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.
That is
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 why most
people
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 spend their time at their work. In the fact, some companies are existing that promote their employees to
exercise
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.
This
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 company's system is
also
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 as same as Coke On. In conclusion, I reiterate that TV broadcasting can affect the public to
exercise
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.
However
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, another way is existing to offer more
exercise
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such
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 as using point systems.
In addition
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, in my point of view that if companies incorporate some regime,
people
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 can get more health.
Submitted by euler0279 on

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