IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say the mobile phones should be banned in SCHOOLS , to which extent do u agree or disagree?

Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are becoming a necessity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 daily life.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
,Nevertheless
show examples
 It has been argued that cell
phones
Use synonyms
 should be forbidden in
schools
Use synonyms
 because it has a negative effect on
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 education. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will argue why I totally agree that cell
phones
Use synonyms
 should be banned in
schools
Use synonyms
. The main reason that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 should be forbidden in
schools
Use synonyms
 is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be a huge source of distraction for the student. If
students
Use synonyms
 use their
phones
Use synonyms
 during school hours, they will find it hard to concentrate during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class which will lead to difficulty in understanding the subject that will eventually impact them academically. Studies have shown that when a pupil uses their
phone
Use synonyms
 for more than 3 minutes, they will need approximately 20 minutes to gain back their focus.
For example
Linking Words
, teachers have noticed that after the break
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 commonly use their
Use synonyms
phones
Add a comma
,phones
show examples
 it requires
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 extra effort to get back into the “studying mood”. A
second
Linking Words
 reason why I believe that
phones
Use synonyms
 should not be allowed in
schools
Use synonyms
 is that nowadays, People are being judged
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
phone
Use synonyms
 type they are using. To some extent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social status is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
determined by the
phone
Use synonyms
 type the person owns.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 could be bullied if they have an old or broken
phone
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents can be pressured financially to provide the latest
phone
Use synonyms
 editions in order
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for their children not to feel inferior to their colleagues. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed why I agree that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 must not be allowed in
schools
Use synonyms
 as it has a negative impact on the
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
 academic achievements.
Also
Linking Words
, it could impact the
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
 psychological status

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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