IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #phones #school
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There are different opinions about that in recent years, using
phones
Use synonyms
 in school has become popular in many parts of the world. While some argue that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited for
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lessons,
other claim
Change the wording
another claim
other claims
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 that children's
phones
Use synonyms
cna
Correct your spelling
can
 be beneficial to them. I, on my part, believe that mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 should be allowed by their
parents
Use synonyms
 because it will have a good effect on their education. To commence with view on the former group, there are two reasons behind their position,
first
Linking Words
 is that cell
phones
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 are up-to-date day by day , not only the elderly but
also
Linking Words
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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use
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Especially it is important for teenagers and they
use
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 a lot it during the school day. Because it related with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 education. As well as, some people argue that kids should bring
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
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 to school to keep in
Add an article
the contract
a contract
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contract
Correct your spelling
contact
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 at every moment.
Thus
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,
parents
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 could keep track of what
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children are doing or if they have some problems.
For example
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, if a child is feeling sick, he or she can easily call or send a message to his or her
parents
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. Definitely, other arguments exist too, but
ones
Correct article usage
the ones
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 mentioned, I believe, do stand out. Turning to the latter group's point of view, they
also
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 have
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own grounds to justify the position they hold,
first
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 of all, teenagers should not
use
Use synonyms
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 phone during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
study time. Because it is detrimental effects. As an example, they may lose
to
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apply
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attention during the lesson.
However
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, if the student does not listen enough, the quality of the lesson cannot be valuable.
The an
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The
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 ability of other arguments is undeniable, but mentioning them is not worthy. In conclusion,
although
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 it will have a negative effect on their education,
nevertheless
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, it will be beneficial for them if they
use
Use synonyms
 the phone effectively in
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 free time.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: