IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centres #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to
Linking Words
 the statistics, approximately 300,000 people move from
hometowns
Correct pronoun usage
their hometowns
show examples
 to
Moscow
Use synonyms
 each year
to live
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, and the proportion is not even decreasing. The respondents cited various causes for
such
Linking Words
 an action;
however
Linking Words
, the most popular were employment opportunities and well-developed infrastructure.
As a result
Linking Words
, many megacities are currently overcrowded, which is a crucial problem. The essay examines the reasons for the phenomenon and provides potential solutions that could be implemented. In
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
, hasty
capitalism
Replace the word
capitalist
show examples
 world, most individuals seek money to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
individual’s
Change noun form
their
show examples
 basic necessities. Undoubtedly, in large cities
such
Linking Words
 as
Moscow
Use synonyms
 or Saint Petersburg, salaries are significantly greater than in other locations.
For instance
Linking Words
, a teacher’s wage in Bryansk is diametrically opposed to the identical position in
Moscow
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, people relocate in order to increase
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 income. The probable solution might be stabilising the pay level in all areas of any country, and there will be no need for a person to move out from one’s native towns. Another reason, why
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 prefer to reside in major urban centres, is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 convenient and quicker way of getting numerous facilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some of the facilities are inaccessible in smaller communities
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 an enormous gap in recreational areas, transportation systems and so on. Think of modern and cosy
electrobuses
Correct your spelling
electro buses
 in
Moscow
Use synonyms
 and compare them with inconvenient and cramped omnibuses in Samara. The solution to
this
Linking Words
 issue might be to enhance infrastructure and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 access to basic necessities not only in
metropolain cenres
Correct your spelling
metropolitan centres
 but
also
Linking Words
 in smaller towns. In conclusion, the problem of overpopulation in megacities remains relevant.
However
Linking Words
, there are many ways to tackle the issue,
in particular
Linking Words
, the government should develop other cities
as well as
Linking Words
 urban centres to provide
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 and convenient life to all human beings.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, possibly using more transitional phrases.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and detailed. This will strengthen the support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly introduces the topic and offers a direct thesis on addressing overpopulation.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers the main causes and solutions of overpopulation, demonstrating an understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: