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Band 6.5

Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, such as sky diving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the discussion surrounding the prohibition of perilous
sports
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activities
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 like skydiving and rock climbing has garnered significant attention.
While
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 some argue for the preservation of individual
freedom
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 and the exhilaration these
sports
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 provide, I firmly contend that the government should indeed impose bans on
such
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activities
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.
This
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 stance is rooted in the paramount importance of safeguarding human lives, minimizing societal burdens, and fostering a culture of responsible recreation. First and foremost, the primary concern in advocating for the ban on dangerous
sports
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 lies in the preservation of human life. These
activities
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 inherently expose participants to significant risks of injury or even death. Skydiving,
for instance
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, involves jumping out of an aircraft thousands of feet above the ground, with only a parachute as a safeguard.
Similarly
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, rock climbing demands physical strength and mental agility, but even with proper equipment and training, accidents can occur, leading to catastrophic consequences. By banning these
sports
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, the government can prevent unnecessary loss of life and spare families from the grief and trauma of losing a loved one to
such
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 avoidable tragedies.
Moreover
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, beyond the immediate impact on individuals and their families, dangerous
sports
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 impose substantial societal costs. Accidents resulting from these
activities
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 often require extensive emergency response efforts, including search and rescue missions, medical treatment, and rehabilitation. These expenses place a strain on public resources and healthcare systems, diverting funds away from other essential services. By outlawing dangerous
sports
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, governments can alleviate
this
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 burden, reallocating resources towards more pressing societal needs,
such
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 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure. Critics may argue that banning dangerous
sports
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 infringes upon individual
freedom
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 and choice.
However
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, it is essential to recognize that the right to personal
freedom
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 is not absolute. Governments routinely enact regulations to protect public safety and well-being, whether through traffic laws, food safety standards, or workplace regulations.
Similarly
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, restricting
activities
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 that pose significant risks to oneself and others is a legitimate exercise of governmental authority in the interest of the greater good. In conclusion, the government should unequivocally ban dangerous
sports
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 like skydiving and rock climbing in the interest of protecting lives, minimizing societal burdens, and promoting responsible recreation.
While
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 proponents of these
activities
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 may argue for personal
freedom
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 and thrill-seeking, the potential consequences of accidents far outweigh any perceived benefits. By implementing bans, governments can
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their duty to prioritize public safety and well-being, ensuring that individuals can pursue leisure
activities
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 without putting themselves or others at undue risk

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider incorporating more detailed, specific examples to illustrate your points further. While your arguments are well-formed, grounding them in real-world instances or data could make them even more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay benefits from a strong logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion. To maintain this high standard, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Employing subtle transitional phrases can further weave your ideas together cohesively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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