IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Computers are used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and give your own opinion.

#computers #education #people #trend #consequences #argument
In fact, modern life and certainly learning processes become crowded with computers more than in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent decades.
That is
 why people had been divided
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two parts:
first
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 supporting
a new progressive approaches
Correct the article-noun agreement
new progressive approaches
a new progressive approach
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying,
others
Correct word choice
and others
show examples
 argue that there are negative influences of computerizing.
Although
 I am in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
first
 community, both views will be discussed in the essay. On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 the speed
exchanging
Change preposition
of exchanging
show examples
 information contributes to
dramatic
Add an article
the dramatic
a dramatic
show examples
 rise of free
time
 because now students do not need to write and overwrite.
As a result
, more knowledge can be got
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
time
in
Change preposition
as in
show examples
 the past.
Consequently
, it takes a place to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
substantially grow
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
intensity
Add an article
the intensity
show examples
 of education and
in addition
 more
time
 to self-grow in different directions
beside of
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 learning at
course
Add an article
the course
show examples
.
On the other hand
, computers provide a new way to prepare and presentation of information in form of pictures or clips
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 Decreasing
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
reading
Correct article usage
the reading
show examples
 ability of students because of easier of taking
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 from media libraries. It leads to falling speed reading in majors which are mandatory in reading
text books
Correct your spelling
textbooks
show examples
. As a consequence,
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
show examples
 to take a high mark on the exam
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
 discipline is
drastic
Correct article usage
a drastic
show examples
 fall. It was scientifically evidenced by
resent
Correct your spelling
recent
show examples
 research of Chelyabinsk University that pupils who had computerized classes at school had a lower assessment on the exams of national language opposite to
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who had not
computer
Add a missing verb
have computer
show examples
 classes approximately
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% in each year of the research. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
although
 there are unquestionable cons in worst reading I believe that profits in much possibilities to mental rise by shorting
time
 in getting knowledge are more substation for future.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: